Wander Over Yonder: The Bug

The Star System of Kato Nundo: one of the largest celestial bodies in this galaxy, with several dozen planets orbiting a sun roughly twice the size of Earth's. It was like a planetary shopping spree, and the caped individual in the red-eyed, skull-shaped spacecraft had a "buy one get one free" coupon burning a hole in his wallet. And where did he choose as his first stop on this cosmic Black Friday sale...?

"Uh, I'll also take six hundred Kryptonian Kid's Meals," Lord Hater bellowed, having taken a detour to a truck stop motel/diner located on a small asteroid. "Those come with a toy, right?"

"What do we look like?" the three-eyed waitress muttered in annoyance. "McDarkMatter's?"

The platoon of Watchdogs accompanying the skeletal overlord all began to moan at being denied the best part of their meals until their master declared, "Fine! Stop your whining and you can each get a keychain or something from the giftshop!"

The minions cheered in agreement as the waitress finished punching in the order.

"That'll be 46,853 credits," she stated, "plus gratuity."

Hater cleared his throat, "Commander Peepers."

One Watchdog wearing a more substantial helmet stepped out from the crowd.

"Yes sir!" The pint-sized Commander replied before addressing the waitress. "Here's the thing, Madame; seeing as you are dealing with the soon-to-be ruler of the galaxy, we were assuming that this order would be...ON THE HOUSE."

Peepers drew his blaster and aimed it squarely between the waitress's eyes, making his point very clear. The restaurant staff and patrons unanimously decided that this was the best course of action. Kato Nundo was no Doomstone. People didn't carry guns under the table thinking they needed to act tough or be ready for a bar brawl at any given time.

The Watchdogs began to file out of the restaurant as soon as their food was ready, but Peepers stopped short when realized that Hater was still lingering at the counter.

"Sir...?" he began, suddenly uneasy. "Is there a...problem?"

"I feel like I should clean out the register while I'm here," Hater explained. "You know, to further assert my authority."

"Yes sir! I think that's-"

"On the other hand," the skeletal scumbag continued, "if I'm gonna take the extra time, I may as well use the restroom. And then by the time I'm finished with that I'll realize I forgot to order something. By then I'll probably need to refill my drink.."

Peepers was becoming extremely nervous, and it was showing with every vein that bulged from the surface of his eye. The staff and customers were unaware that Hater had a very narrow window of opportunity that was rapidly closing.

Finally coming to the end of his dilemma, the overlord groaned, "...and you know how it is; the second I ask for extra napkins, you-know-who will show up and say something stupid like-"

"Tryin' to dine and dash, Hater?"

Peepers facepalmed himself right in the pupil while Hater, the remaining Watchdogs, and the restaurant-goers all looked back in utter bewilderment. Standing in the doorway was the silhouette of a Zbornak, eagerly cracking her knuckles, while her furry beanpole of a companion waved his arms around like a Muppet with a sugar rush.

"Howdy there Hater!" the wacky wanderer know as "Wander" exclaimed with a friendly grin on his face. "Looks like we were on the same page...! Of the travel brochure!"

"Of course," Peepers muttered, dryly.

"GET THEM!!"

At Hater's command, the Watchdogs opened fire on the duo.

"Tuck and roll, little buddy!" Sylvia exclaimed.

Wander curled himself up, allowing his friend to send him spinning across the floor and into the Watchdogs like a bowling ball, while she charged headfirst into the few that were still standing. Cursing his minions for their stupidity, Hater began firing neon green lightning from his fingertips at the red-crested battering ram. People hid under tables and behind the counter, fearing for their lives. However, a few freeze-frame karate moves and Matrix slo-mo effects later, a shrill ding came from the register, causing literally everying, even the glasses in midair, to come to a stop.

"Don't worry Hatey, ol' buddy!" Wander declared, having completed his transaction. "I got ya covered!"

Hater's mandible hit the linoleum floor and his brow furrowed at the agonizing realization that Wander had just paid for his meal. Grabbing his jaw off the ground and Peepers by the lightning bolt on his hat, the villain returned to his ship, feeling satisfied at getting free food yet outraged at receiving a handout from....THAT.

"Be sure to pay it forward!" Wander called out as his frenemy flew off in a huff.

Not satisfied with buying enough food to literally feed an army, Wander headed back inside to help clean up the mess, complete with grabbing all those physics-defying glasses and plates before the laws of gravity kicked back in. Sylvia set about getting her and her pal something to eat, along with a motel room for the night.

"For you two, it's on the house," the head waitress, who happened to be an enormous head with tiny limbs walking on stilts, assured the Zbornak.

Sylvia grinned, imagining Hater screaming "Seriously??!" from his ship floating through deep space.

While Wander was busily scrolling through the 38,000 songs on the jukebox and Sylvia was digging into a slice of jellyfish pie, on the far end of the bar there sat a white-shelled beetle, about the width of a dime, its tiny green eyes fixated on the duo, occasionally darting between one or the other as though it were making some kind of assessment. Unfortunately for it, a waiter had noticed its presence in the dining area and had armed himself with a flyswatter. As it made contact with the target, causing a loud SMACK, two words in exaggerated balloon letters appeared just beside it:"The Bug."

While the staff member washed what was left of the unwanted guest down the sink, Wander had finally selected a song from the list.

We're on a mission
In the everlasting light that shines...
A revelation
Of the truth in chapters of our minds...

Wanders eyes lit up as he pulled out his banjo and started playing along to the music.

So long, bad times...
We're gonna shake it up and break it up
We're sharing light brighter than the sun...
Hello, good times...
We're here to stimulate, eliminate
And congregate, illuminate..!

Sylvia grinned and clapped along with everyone else while Wander rocked out. She was tough as nails from the planet Krypton, but that little guy had a knack for "taking the buck out of the bronco."

"Okay, Captain Riverdance," she finally said. "We should probably turn in."

Wander stowed his banjo inside his hat and followed the Zbornak out of the restaurant, bidding the customers and wait staff so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, and goodnight.

----

A short while later, Wander was still wide awake, bouncing up and down between the waterbeds in the motel room while flipping through the Kato Nundan travel guide.

"Ooh! Tomorrow we should head on over to Ganymede and visit their underground gardens! How does that even WORK?! And then there's this big lake beside the cliffs where the imperial palace is! We could have a beach party, then pop in and say 'hi' to the Empress. Oh heck! While we're at it maybe we could INVITE the Empress!"

"Settle down, little buddy," Sylvia cautioned. "You're gonna mess up your sleep schedule again and we're gonna be in stuck in some weird, endless loop of Day and Night."

Wander bounced into his own bed, the blanket floating over him and covering the upper half of his body while leaving his feet exposed. A quick shimmy and he'd managed to pop his head out from beneath the covers, pulling them up to his chin.

"I promise you'll get to see everything," Sylvia assured him, "same as always. Okay?"

Wander nodded like a kid promising to be on his best behavior in exchange for candy.

"G'night little buddy."

"G'night Sylvia..." the Star Nomad yawned, assured that his time in this star system would be unforgettable, unaware that it was about to become so for all the wrong reasons...

Once the duo was sound asleep, a tiny, almost inaudible scraping sound came from the sink in the bathroom as the white beetle the waiter had disposed of crawled out of the drain. Its eyes became tiny green pinpricks of light in the pitch black room, but it could just discern its furry orange target using its night vision. The bug skittered along the wall and leapt onto the pillow like some kind of predatory cat, finally climbing on the snoozing wanderer's forehead. After making certain he was still asleep, the beetle raised its two claw-like front legs before jamming them into Wander's temples. The tiny stabbing sensation made him cringe and whimper, but it wasn't enough to wake him. The bug glanced over at Sylvia, but she hadn't noticed her pal's new bunkmate either. The creature let out a tiny hiss at the Zbornak's very presence, though. This terrible crime against the natural order was about to end.

"Commencing REM neural influence protocol..."

Wander's eyelids began to quiver and his face contorted as though he were having an extremely unpleasant lucid dream. He didn't realize it, but his mind was currently in fight or flight mode as an outside force tried to take command. The bug continued to steal glances at Sylvia, searching for any negative thought about the Zbornak that may have existed, even in passing, inside Wander's mind. However, the pickings were slim, as the little guy seemed to think the world of his besaddled buddy. This only infuriated the insectoid hacker even more; the fact that the pair were like two escapees in a pod. This wasn't natural. It was UNACCEPTABLE. If Wander didn't have anything bad to say about Sylvia, then the bug would have to put the words into his mouth.

With one final squeeze of the beetle's talons, Wander sat up straight in bed and let out a loud, bone-chilling GASP.

"FLAVARIAN FLOAT WITH TWO STRAWS!!" Sylvia blurted out, tumbling out of bed. "Ugh! Wander, what're you...?! Wander...?"

Wander was now standing and facing Sylvia, his pupils as wide as they could physically be and then some. The brim of his hat was tilted down just enough to hide the passenger that was still attached to his head.

"Wander?" The Zbornak asked again, cautiously reaching her hand out as she approached him. "Buddy? You okay? Ya have a nightma-OW!!"

Sylvia recoiled in shock, clutching the hand that her best friend had slapped away with all his might.

"Shut up," he snarled.

"Wander, you're scaring me more than usual. Just calm down and-"

"I said SHUT UP!!"

Sylvia ducked down just as Wander chucked a lamp at her head. She wanted to believe that the pie she'd eaten had gone off and she was just having a bad fever dream, but no such luck. This was actually happening. This was her buddy glaring furiously at her, and that was his voice telling her to shut her mouth. What she didn't realize was that it wasn't actually Wander behind those eyes and words. The real Wander was still in a deep sleep, having the worst nightmare he'd ever experienced in his life, and it just so happened to be the exact same scene that was unfolding in reality. Unfortunately, like most nightmares, he couldn't wake himself up no matter how badly he wanted to.

"'Let's go to bed, Captain Riverdance!' 'Don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong!' Let's get something straight here: I'M the adventurer. YOU'RE the filthy Zbornak, who keeps her mouth shut, and takes me where I wanna go. If you don't like it, then go sleep outside like the beast of burden you are!"

"Hey, pal, that was below the belt!!" Sylvia countered. "Now calm the heck down!"

Wander responded by flinging anything else he could reach at the scorned Zbornak, and when he ran out of things to throw, he leapt at her like a rabid animal, only for her to catch him in midair by his wrists. It was at that moment that the bug released its hold on him, both literally and metaphorically, and darted into his hat before it could be seen. Not a second later, Wander awoke and was about to lament his horrible dream to Sylvia when he realized that he was already out of bed. A dazed glance around the room revealed it to be a wreck, and when his eyes fell on Sylvia, the harsh reality of what had happened sank in like a truckload of dark matter.

"Wander, what in Grop's name has gotten into you??!"

Sylvia was covered in scrapes and scuffs where his projectiles had hit their mark. The betrayal in her eyes was unmistakable as she stared him down, holding him away from her by his arms. Wander gazed back, his mouth hanging open and quivering for a few tense moments before he slipped out of her grasp and darted under his bed like a frightened kitten.

"Buddy...?" Sylvia asked, her outrage suddenly replaced with concern.

Getting down on her hands and knees, Sylvia peered under the bed. Wander was in the fetal position with his back to her, not moving or even making a sound. Sylvia chose her words carefully, reaching for him to try and coax him out.

"Hey, pal, it's okay. I've taken worse blows than that from a Watchdog, and you know they can't hit the broad side of a-"

"Stay back...!"

Sylvia winced at her friend's tone, the likes of which she'd never heard from Wander before. It wasn't rage or bitterness this time; it was the voice of complete despair. It was even more unbearable to listen to when the little fella glanced back at her, and she could see the shame and heartbreak in his eyes.

"Please, Sylvia..." Wander softly moaned, his normally cheery voice completely unrecognizable.

Without warning, Wander fled his hiding place and was out the door before his friend could even process what just happened.

"W-Wander!!" Sylvia exclaimed in bewilderment.

Sylvia ran after him, but by the time she made it outside it was too late. Wander was already a speck amongst the millions of stars in the sky, having taken their supply of Orbal Juice with him.

"WANDER!!" Sylvia called out one last time before the Star Nomad completely vanished into the night.

The Zbornak glanced around frantically, trying to find some kind of transport to catch up to her friend. Unfortunately, most of the guests had arrived on a shuttle earlier that day, and the handful of vehicles that were available were hooked up to secure charging stations for the night to prevent theft. Then Sylvia spotted her ticket off this rock: an emergency callbox just outside the diner. Without a second thought, she activated the distress signal, alerting every police facility within range of the situation. It was a big universe out there, and so help her, NOBODY would rest until she found her little buddy.

----

The small, one-wheeled robot with the beat-up black and white toaster for a head hurriedly rolled down the long, cavernous hallway. Its one eye flickered nervously as it approached imposing white door at the very end. He knew that the Empress hated having her sleep-mode disturbed. However, the emergency alert they'd just received from the truck stop asteroid was cause for concern, especially considering the nature of the supposed "domestic dispute" which led to it. If he didn't report the situation to her immediately, he'd probably have is own emergency to report. Danged if ya do, darned if ya don't... With extreme trepidation, he reached out with his two-fingered hand and knocked on the door. A moment later it was answered by a dark, slender, eight foot tall figure with neon green lights in its eyes, chest, and hands.

After staring at the robot for a bit, as if debating whether or not to kick it back down the hallway, the green-eyed shape stated in a dry, Auto-Tuned female voice, "You have five seconds to convince me that this is important."

----

It's been said that in space no one can hear you scream, yet once again Wander had managed to defy the laws of science by crying so loudly that, had there been any planets in this barren area of the cosmos he'd fled to, there wouldn't be a single inhabitant with a dry eye listening to the little guy's sobbing. Even when his bloodshot eyes were all tapped out, he still continued to moan softly with his knees pulled up to his chest, his broken heart trembling along with rest of his body.

"What've I d-d-done...?" he whimpered. "I hurt my bestest best buddy in the whole universe... What's happening to me...???"

"The desire to return..."

A shiver wracked Wander's whole body. The voice he'd heard didn't really sound like a voice, but a medley of hisses and clicks trying to imitate coherent speech. The Star Nomad timidly glanced over his shoulder to see a pair of tiny green eyes gazing at him.

"...to the natural order of the universe."

To be continued...